Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Username: Password:
Pages: [1]   Go Down

Author Topic: Joanne's Journal  (Read 455 times)

capecupcake

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 98
  • Horses are my sanity
    • View Profile
Joanne's Journal
« on: January 08, 2014, 02:33:08 pm »

I always forget about this section. I have so many things on my mind and this is the perfect place to put them.

My mind about who to sell and why seems to change everyday. I am a little too sensitive about everything and I overthink everything. I love Summer and the fact that I was able to get her back after 3 years is important to me. I wonder if I can get my confidence back and her forwardness would not bother me. Then I think life is too short to waste time with a horse you don't get much joy from. But, I love her and enjoy riding her. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I really just need to find a way to shut my mind up. Then there is Trace. He is a great horse, but what was I thinking taking on another horse when I could barely afford the first one? Somedays I get so upset and overwhelmed that I just want to sell them both and all my tack and be done with it. Then I go there and see Summer and she just pulls at my heart. I literally cry sometimes when I see her and think about not having her in my life. I just want a simpler life, but I know that is unrealistic. I thought of doing a pro/con list to decide what to do. But, I have so many things in both columns. If horses were not so expensive, maybe this would not be so difficult. I could make a decision and know it was the right one. Just writing about this has me all upset and anxious. Why did I have to be bitten by the horse bug as a kid?  :o
Logged

capecupcake

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 98
  • Horses are my sanity
    • View Profile
Re: Joanne's Journal
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2014, 11:04:53 am »

Well, yesterday I tried to start off fresh. I went to the barn and first worked with Summer and trailer loading. My goal was not to load her, but just get her to stand with her head over the entrance calmly without wanting to move away. I used clicker training and she was standing calmly in about 10 minutes. I didn't want to push and wanted to end on a good note, so I ended it there. I was proud of her and proud of my patience. Then I tacked her up and tackled my other problem-confidence riding alone away from the farm. She hasn't been away from the farm in quite some time so she was a little reluctant to take that first step off the driveway down the street. I just went a few steps past her comfort zone and then turned and went in the other direction, going past the driveway. I kept doing this, getting a little farther each time. She did get a little rushy. When she did, I would stop her and make her back and then stand calmly. Then we would walk off. She did very well with that. We both faced our fears and by the time we were done we had gone about a block in each direction. I really had to talk myself through it. I get scared when cars go by, and there is a lot of traffic-especially trucks and construction vehicles. I was so proud of myself for doing that. So, for now, she is still with me and we will see what happens.
Logged

capecupcake

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 98
  • Horses are my sanity
    • View Profile
Re: Joanne's Journal
« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2014, 11:23:02 am »

I keep forgetting about this journal. I should write my thoughts in here more often. My life lately has been a shitstorm to put it eloquently.  :o I recently, reluctantly sold Summer. I am happy that she is in a great home where she will be loved everyday, but I truly miss her.
My health has been steadily declining and I am getting tired of going to new Dr.s trying to get a handle on what is wrong. First I am faced with the physical part of not having the energy or being in too much pain to go see or ride Trace. Then there is the financial part. All of these new Dr.s and tests are costing me a fortune. I don't know how much longer I can afford to keep a horse. I feel so helpless and hopeless. I can't imagine my life without a horse in it, but it is not fair to Trace to be a pasture ornament. I have tremendous guilt everyday that I don't get to see him. This week I am staying at my brothers house which is only a mile away from the barn. I thought I would definitely be able to see him a lot. I have been here since Monday and still have not been able to get there.
So, do I sell him and try to get my health and finances fixed? Or do I keep on trying and just dealing with all of this? I am beyond words for how hard this is for me.  :'(
Logged

capecupcake

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 98
  • Horses are my sanity
    • View Profile
Re: Joanne's Journal
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2015, 12:31:01 pm »

I have been having a hard time getting Trace to gait consistently. It is mostly my fault because I have not been riding him much at all. My health has kept me from seeing him as much as I would like and he would need. So, I can only get upset at myself when he trots. But today he did great. I was pretty much done for the day when I thought I should try and video it. So, here are 2 videos. He did much better in the second video but you can't hear it that well because I was having a hard time holding my phone.

http://vidmg.photobucket.com/albums/v506/capecupcake/20150512_124000_zps00lufvjp.mp4

http://vidmg.photobucket.com/albums/v506/capecupcake/20150512_124513_zpsvrzvevkd.mp4
Logged
Pages: [1]   Go Up